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Commitment is a cornerstone for success in your Baby Boomer Life and a determining factor in your  emotional health and well being.  We either learn about commitment from our parents or we don't.  I think it is important to take a good look at that issue in your life.  If you don't really see your parents as having been committed then it is especially important to recognize and review in your own life.  Recognizing your commitment patterns may be the very thing that changes your life and gets you off the auto pilot behavior inherent in your personality. It's possible that's what is gumming up your self esteem and success machine.  On the other hand if you have simply been cavalier about commitment because you didn't recognize it as an issue then this is your wake up call. This is a particularly important issue for Boomers in the early stages of the second fifty years. 

Why does commitment matter?

I guess the best way to answer that is to tell a bit of my own story which is a work in progress.  Thankfully, I am wise enough to have an idea about how much I don't know and I am still filled with the eager curiosity of a much younger woman. Though I am a Boomer Gal in my mid fifties; I am on the precipice of greatness…of some kind.  Being a Boomer for me is like a new beginning but one not without history.

By the way, I like the word "gal".  I got it from my husband, who picked it up in Montana or Seattle or somewhere up there in the Pacific Northwest.  It's a neat word because it is like the freshness of "girl" but the experience of "woman"  with a little extra spunk and fire thrown in.   Anyway…back to the subject at hand.

At some point in this life you can't avoid it…you have to learn, one way or another, that nothing really works in life unless you get the importance of commitment.  Lasting success is not possible without it.  Stability and security are not possible without it.  In my opinion, happiness is not possible without commitment nor is lasting wealth. 

Fortunately and maybe unfortunately, there will always be options.  The problem with options is that they can really interfere with commitment. (Students of The Secret know exactly what I mean!)  When you start thinking about your options you begin to countermand your intentions and uncreate your creations and everything can suddenly go down the tube of your lifelong plans and before you know it everything has changed and you aren't even sure how it happened.  Crazy, huh? 

It's like being on some kind of crazy ride that frequently changes directions and momentum and what started out as one fun plan is suddenly making you dizzy and sick.   BEEN THERE. DONE THAT.

I always thought options and versatility were what made me a neat person.  Now I realize that too many options and too much willingness to try something new,  go with the flow, and be ever changing while renewing my perspectives has kept me from being as successful as I might have been long before now. I think they call it "lack of focus".  It is a rude awakening and a tough lesson in the school of life.  Maybe I have been kind of a female Peter Pan.  Now that's a thought.  I don't want to grow up!  Hm mm……. The thing is I am an entreprenuer and an idea person. My mind runs rampant with new ideas.  I like coming up with the ideas and getting them started then moving on to the next thing. I've started a lot of new things….  The problem is when I let that kind of behavior become the reigning order of my personal life as well.  Get the picture? 

So What Is Commitment?

Well, I found this great piece of prose once that defined for me the power of committment. 

 “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

 In an earlier blog post called Baby Boomer Life Suggestion:Seize The Day I also used this quote and I use it again now because of the impact this piece of writing has had on my mind over the years.  It also reminds me that even when we know something, it may take us years to fully integrate the knowledge deeply into who we are and how we function -especially if we remain unaware of the thoughts and behaviors that unconsciously drive us. It's like not knowing that the "radio voice", or "egoic voice" as Eckhart Tolle says, is not really you but yet it's running the show half the time or more as though it were you ! 

So what is commitment?  Well it isn't going down with the ship because you are Captain.  It is staying on the ship when there are storms at sea and winds rage into pounding waves that threaten all.  When being attacked by pirates and those who would take what is yours, it means doing battle as needed til the battle is won.  It means times of droning boredom and great excitement.  It means routine chores and finding new ways to keep things interesting while going deeper into the heart of who and what someone and something is really all about.  It's not assuming that just because you spend time that you know all there is to know, and staying open on a deeper level.

 Having a plan, working the plan, refining the plan, and celebrating the wins as well as learning from the losses is all part of commitment. From another perspective it is also being so determined to succeed that if you even think the word "quit" you need to ask yourself how much this commitment really means to you and are you really committed or only in it for the ride.  You have to know. There is a difference.

Commitment is a pledge or promise we make to ourselves.

Like it's okay not to be committed but you have to know the difference!  For example you don't marry someone and make the statement "Til death do us part" with the thought that if it doesn't work you can always get divorced.  That isn't committment.  You don't take a position that requires extensive and expensive training if you don't plan to stay.  That isn't committment.  You don't set goals and then give up because you didn't meet your goals in the planned time frame.  That isn't committment. 

Commitment And Marriage

Recently I had a huge epiphany when a friend and I were talking about how difficult it is to break ties with former spouses and ex boyfriends that we really loved.  I had just had a similar conversation with a friend who was remarried but still missed the friendship he'd had with his ex wife that he said had taken years to build.  It occurred to me that on some level he had never gotten past the marriage vows he took the first time he married and that quite possibly he was still feeling connected to that committment and thus to his ex wife.  He looked as though I'd struck him when I suggested it and tears came to his eyes. "Oh my God" he said, "you have just hit a nerve."

My epiphany was this:

• Once we make a commitment and break it, we don't trust ourselves quite as much. 
• Our new commitments don't mean as much.
• It becomes more difficult for us to commit to anything.
• We just don't feel as good about ourselves. 
• We may still be unconsciously tied to previous commitments without even realizing it!
  

 I really think this issue bears some serious review time for anyone who is less successful than they want to be and hoped to be or planned to be by now.  If you have been in the habit of easily letting yourself off the hook everytime the going gets too tough and you are a person who is too quick to go with the flow, you may truly have a commitment issue. 

I have heard psychologists and other professionals say that your body believes everything you tell it and when you break your word to yourself and to others - especially on things that really matter, then your body stops believing you. Your mind feels betrayed. Your words and promises become meaningless and ineffective.  I believe it is our consciousness that feels betrayed and remains unhealed somehow until we address the issue fully and look at what we have done and what it has cost us.  We have to ask ourselves for forgiveness and bare our souls to the God of our understanding for a sense of deeper healing.

Of course, I do believe that we ultimately can forgive ourselves but the request must first be made.  The problem, the disappointment, must be addressed by us to us so that we can forgive ourselves and begin to move forward again.  I think a personal day of attonement once a year or twice a year may be a very good thing for healing personal discrepancies and disappointments.  We need to hold ourselves accountable and care about our own self respect.

Unblocking Success

I don't claim to have all the answers but I have experienced the issues discussed here regarding breaking commitments to myself and others.  I have jumped ship more than once in business and personal relationships and looked back to see that it was a mistake to either the other party or myself.  I didn't think the commitment through or I didn't fully commit or I didn't value the commitment enough to honor it.  What really got me most deeply was that the person I hurt the most was myself.  The person I most fully betrayed was myself.  If you want to change the world just focus on changing yourself. You'll never find a greater purpose or a more fulfilling position. It is probably the most difficult job in the world if done correctly and honestly. 

Ask yourself what your level of commitment is and address the issues of forgiveness of yourself and others so that you can truly and freely move forward.  The issue of integrity may come into play here too simply because the two are so obviously interwoven.   The blocks to your greatest  and most fulfilling successes  are probably subtle and  elusive.  I know  that has been true for me.  I mean there is success and there is SUCCESS!  Only I know how I define it for myself. Ultimately how I define it and when I achieve it is as personal as my beliefs.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change".  That statement bears some serious pondering.  It is wondrous how a statement like that can open a door that has the potential to be life altering. 

The early stages of the Second Fifty Years is a great time to start pondering if you haven't already.   Healthy, wealthy boomers are not afraid of self examination and personal confrontation.  There will never be a better time than now to see what you can do about what is holding you back.

One thing I always tell people is this: two years from now, two years will have passed no matter what you do or don't do.  Take action now.                                        

I propose a toast: Here is to your "Success and Commitment In The Second Fifty Years"  from your friends at Baby Boomer Life. 

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